Trust Life ... A Little Bit ...

When I reopened that closed door, set my bare foot to that world ...
All I can do is being amazed as I glance my view towards it ...

It's different ...
At least from the last time I remember it ...
The air ... The wind gusts ... The smell ... The fogs ...
Some people soar in it ... Some people lost ...
Others just sail with it ...

I looked back at my self wondering ...
Me ? Just a plain unarmed girl with nothing to wrapped me ...
Not a pair of shoes to cover my bare foots ...
Nor a muffle to cover up my wounds ...
Falling ? I might be ...
Slipping ? Possibly ...
Hurt ? Definitely ...
What am I gonna do ?

The atmosphere strikes me ...
Have the faith Ling ...
Even if you don't see the whole road ...
Even if you don't know where the road gonna takes you ...
And even if you have to face it alone, all you gotta do is swing it ...

Broken and wounded ... Push my self to walk ...
There come whispers along with it ...
Don't even know where it comes ...
Humming around and tempting my vein ...
Some whispers lure me to enjoy all the pleasures I can get ...
Some whispers preserves me not to goes too far while playing with it ...
One side cause one hell of an infinite pleasure ...
The others watching and keep an eye of me like a hawk ...
Even it just a thin line ...
But it's there ...

It's hard to ignore those pleasures ...
Especially when you've gone through a lot ...
One simple pleasure could ease a bit of your burden ...
An illusion gate away to spare few of your hurts towards life ...
But then again ...
That thin line ...
Always reminds you to get back on your track whether you realize it or not ...

I guess all of us always has both sides ...
It's you who's decided which side is gonna possess you ...
That temptations ... always leaning on your doorbell ...
But if you're not careful with it ...
You could get lost in it and never turning back ...

Me ?
Just the usual ...
Falling, making mistakes, have a wonderful times ...
Sometimes I let the evil side wins just to see how far will my angel side will balance it ...
Some says "eventually you'll gonna get your balance in life" ...
Still learning about faith, hopes & dreams ...
But I never second guesses who I am...
Where I have been ... and where will I be going ...

This just me ...
Made from experience ...
Firmed from despair ...
Rooted from agony ...

You ?

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If It Makes You Happy, Then Do It ... If It Doesn't, Then Don't ...

It's been a year since my last scratch on this ...

Outside ... It's still remains the same ...
Inside ... Lots of things happened ^^

No one said it would be easy ...
It's been a long years ...
But some says goes with your heart ...

It surely isn't easy for me ...
Try to find my own peaceful mind ...
Fight for what I want ...
Almost give up in the process ...
Accept all the pains, harsh comments, humiliations, viciousness, ruthless attitude, just because one thinking ..
Happiness is just not for me ....
It never really are ...

There's a quotes I'll remember precisely and it helps me through it ...
"2 things : If it makes you happy, do it ... If it doesn't, then don't ..."

It keeps repeating on my head ...
Then it hits me like that ...
Do I want this ?
Could I bear this pain for the rest of my life ?
When the last time I feel truly alive and not just living ?
Could I still be able to touch happiness ?
Not just to touch ... I want it, feel it and live it ...
I want to be "ME"
My precious "ME" that buried I don't even remember for how long ...

Encourage my self to letting go ...
It takes all my nerves to did it ...
Break loose from this toxic situation ...
If I'm not gonna fight for my own happiness, then who ?
It should come from me, not anyone else ...

Finally I did it ...
Can't believe my self for being able to did it !
Don't know how ... Forget the details ...
But finally even a little ... I could breathe ...
It's just like open a tiny window after being caged in a closed room without an air ...
Blowing winds wiggle my hair ...
I did it !!!

For every choices you made ...
There's always consequences that comes with it ...
The beginning is always the hardest ...
But you know something ...
It's worth it ^^

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